I Don’t Love Him Anymore

So last night I created this account because of my goddamned crappy shit mood thanks to HIM.

So this morning I open my email from tarot.com to find that it says: Pisces: Try talking about your frustration …

Talk about irony him. I don’t know if I believe in them or not but todays hit the nail on the head.

The whole thing stems from the fact that made a deal with HIM to clean the whole house and I would give him sex. Yeah I know I am a MOM whore but man in the past I can usually do it no problem a few fake ohhhhs and yes harder harder please daddy yes daddy (no he is not my dad he just likes that UGHH) So we had made the deal like 4 days ago and I kept putting it off making up one excuse after another until finally I had to he was getting mad. (Stupid ass he knows I so don’t want HIM) So I finally go in about 12 or so and wake HIM up and say ok come on lets get this over with I got stuff to do online. I am on all fours (so he can’t kiss me and I don’t have to look at HIM) and the stupid fuck can’t get it up. (I am so frickin happy) He tries and tries he tries forcing it in but can’t I am as dry as mexican beach. So I tell HIM get some lotion because your not gonna find me to get wet at all. So he gets some and still can’t wank himself hard. SO I give up and say well if you can get it up I will be in the office just come get me and then we can get this bullshit over.

So about 20 minutes later he says please can’t I try to get you off I will talk dirty to you I will watch you masterbate any thing please. SO I give in and go in there get myself off and finally his stupid ass gets hard. And as he finally starts fucking me I start to just think about THE OTHER. The One man who makes me feel good about myself who I loved to be around and all I can think about is how much I hate this being fucked like a dog and wanting the one person I can’t have.

I feel so fucking dirty like a goddamn whore in an alley with him grunting and moaning and say9ng how tight it is (as he says this I think well duh its tight I am dry you stupid cunt. Then the silent tears start you know the ones that just roll slowly and quietly and you try not to sniff or make a sound so know one will hear. I just can’t take it and when I think I am about to give up finally he grunts and comes.

I am so grateful its over that hes done I just get up and leave. Thats when he realizes I am crying and he says whats wrong.

WHATS WRONG

Well I feel like a whore I feel like you raped me I HATE YOU I don’t want you I have told you over over and over I DON”T LOVE YOU anymore. But I am still here still spreading m,y legs for you and I wish I wasn’t but I can’t help it I have to stay.

Of course I didn’t say all that because I just didn’t want to talk to HIM so I keep my mouth shut and under my breath just said I HATE YOU. Maybe he heard maybe he didn’t . Knowing him he did and once again he is ignoring the fact that I don’t love HIM anymore.