Escape

June 17, 2007 at 6:23 am (affairs, fired, star trek, work)

Today was a good day.

I woke up early at 8 (I never get up that early ) EVER !!!!

I had to be at work at 11am. So I got up checked my email and a few other sites I always look at in the morning and then realized CRAP HIM needed to run to town to pick up some money. We only have one vehicle well now thats not quite the truth. In following in true WHITE TRASH style we have 2 broke down vehicles in our driveway and then a truck that is running (THANK GOD) mind you the trucks expiration is out and so are the tags but it runs!!!!!!

So I needed HIM to run to town before I went to work so I sent HIM to town at 9:40 (yes I am anal and checked the time) and he comes back at 11:13 he knew I had to be at work at 11 but could he make it back in time no of course not.

You see The OTHER was one of my bosses until he thought he caught us he didn’t though but he threw enough of fit and fight that The OTHERS wife asked me not to work at The OTHERS business until HIM was out of all of our lives. But I also work for The OTHERS father as his assistant I run his house here and clean it and also do all the paper work and am basically The OTHERS fathers gal Friday and so HIM is upset that I still work and have to talk to The OTHER in reference to my working with The OTHERS fathers business. He has tried since he thinks he caught The OTHER and I to get me fired from my boss. He even went so far as to steal my work keys making my boss have to re key everything, crash my laptop, and then the kicker is he called another business in town that we compete with and said we were going to file papers and take their name so we could use their name since they had not registered it yet. That last one caused all kind of trouble for my boss causing us to have to set business plans back by like 6 months.

Meanwhile my boss has stated that no matter what he says or does I have job not to worry he knows what HIM is like and what he is trying to do and its ok.

Thank god…..

So back to today hes late which mean I get there late thank goodness though the boss gets what is going on and the new rule is I lie and say I have to be there 30 minutes earlier than I have to…

But all in all the day was good I am enjoying being out of the house and away from the kiddos on the weekends and some evenings during the week..

My MIL came by to pick the kiddos up and let them spend the night with her which is nice and HIM has only been rude once. Saying please can’t I have sex for Father’s Day or take pictures of you naked. Which of course I gave a no to both. I just bear to be with him it hurts me inside for some reason.

Ans he already got his Fathers day present early (he snooped and found them) the first 3 Star Trek Movies on DVD. (hes a star trek freak). So he should be happy with that and the fact that he is a father.

So off I go to enjoy a kid free night luckily I work again tom cleaning up the new rent house my boss just finished redoing and I like the solitariness of cleaning its nice and easy and calm……..

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My Horoscope

June 14, 2007 at 5:17 pm (affair, affairs, cheating.cheaters.cheater, crying, divorce, forced, love, rape, sex)

So last night I created this account because of my goddamned crappy shit mood thanks to HIM.

So this morning I open my email from tarot.com to find that it says: Pisces: Try talking about your frustration …

Talk about irony him. I don’t know if I believe in them or not but todays hit the nail on the head.

The whole thing stems from the fact that made a deal with HIM to clean the whole house and I would give him sex. Yeah I know I am a MOM whore but man in the past I can usually do it no problem a few fake ohhhhs and yes harder harder please daddy yes daddy (no he is not my dad he just likes that UGHH) So we had made the deal like 4 days ago and I kept putting it off making up one excuse after another until finally I had to he was getting mad. (Stupid ass he knows I so don’t want HIM) So I finally go in about 12 or so and wake HIM up and say ok come on lets get this over with I got stuff to do online. I am on all fours (so he can’t kiss me and I don’t have to look at HIM) and the stupid fuck can’t get it up. (I am so frickin happy) He tries and tries he tries forcing it in but can’t I am as dry as mexican beach. So I tell HIM get some lotion because your not gonna find me to get wet at all. So he gets some and still can’t wank himself hard. SO I give up and say well if you can get it up I will be in the office just come get me and then we can get this bullshit over.

So about 20 minutes later he says please can’t I try to get you off I will talk dirty to you I will watch you masterbate any thing please. SO I give in and go in there get myself off and finally his stupid ass gets hard. And as he finally starts fucking me I start to just think about THE OTHER. The One man who makes me feel good about myself who I loved to be around and all I can think about is how much I hate this being fucked like a dog and wanting the one person I can’t have.

I feel so fucking dirty like a goddamn whore in an alley with him grunting and moaning and say9ng how tight it is (as he says this I think well duh its tight I am dry you stupid cunt. Then the silent tears start you know the ones that just roll slowly and quietly and you try not to sniff or make a sound so know one will hear. I just can’t take it and when I think I am about to give up finally he grunts and comes.

I am so grateful its over that hes done I just get up and leave. Thats when he realizes I am crying and he says whats wrong.

WHATS WRONG

Well I feel like a whore I feel like you raped me I HATE YOU I don’t want you I have told you over over and over I DON”T LOVE YOU anymore. But I am still here still spreading m,y legs for you and I wish I wasn’t but I can’t help it I have to stay.

Of course I didn’t say all that because I just didn’t want to talk to HIM so I keep my mouth shut and under my breath just said I HATE YOU. Maybe he heard maybe he didn’t . Knowing him he did and once again he is ignoring the fact that I don’t love HIM anymore.

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